Sinister Excerpt, Unedited

“Fuck, Eli, no. You don’t understand—”

I grind my hips against her, and she gasps, her fingers on her lips, one hand still pinned over her head. “Sex is simple.”

She stares up at me, wide-eyed, her thighs spread but her body tense. “You wouldn’t want me—”

“I do fucking want you.” My dick is throbbing on her pelvis, and it fucking hurts. Three months I’ve been out, and I’ve fucked a handful of girls I met at Onyx, the club over the bridge. My receptionist a few times.

But Eden... Eden is different. Ever since that night we met... She’s always been different. She hates to be touched by anyone but me. And with me, she let me do whatever I fucking wanted.

But even though I know that, she closes her eyes tight. “No.”

“I don’t like that word.”

She smiles, lashes nearly fanning her cheeks. “You never did.”

No, I never did. Why would now be any different?

I reach between us and shove down my boxers, circling my fingers over my cock.

It’s not fully hard, and shame washes over me. But I’m not failing this time. I’m not. Fucking. Failing.

After this, I’m throwing those goddamn meds in the fucking trash. Fuck this shit.

I pump myself once, then again. Maybe if I just get this fucking bikini off of her... If I can fucking feel her...

But I’m squeezing my dick so hard I wince, and even still... nothing. I’m getting softer.

I. Fucking. Hate. This.

Her eyes open lazily, and she drags her fingers down to her throat. “It’s good, you know,” she says quietly, and at first I think she’s just out of it. Slipping under the loss of her high. But as my hand tightens around her wrist, she speaks again. “You wouldn’t wanna fuck me if you knew what I did to our baby.”

My breath catches.

Baby? What fucking baby?

I let go of myself, planting my hand beside her head and releasing her wrist, only to grab her throat, my fingers over hers.

She doesn’t move.

“What are you talking about, Eden?”

Nothing.

Her lips are parted, her chest rising and falling steadily.

But she says fucking nothing.

I tighten my grip around her throat, something she used to hate.

My nose brushes hers as my heart pumps too fast against my ribcage. “What the fuck are you talking about?”

She’s asleep. Or out cold.

Baby? There was no fucking baby. I never want kids. Not with her. Not with anyone. If Mom could've taught me anything, if she could've stopped Dad from sending me away, she would've told me that. She was just like me, and I know she fucking hates me.

Anger snakes its way through my veins. I squeeze Eden more.

I’m not sure she’s breathing, but she’s so fucked up, she doesn’t move.

She won’t fight back if I just kept my hand here... And the ocean isn’t so far. She was already going to drown tonight. I could rewrite that story for the cops. My psychiatrist. Everyone. It’s not even a lie. She would’ve died without me.

Impulse control. I’m usually pretty good at it. But tonight... I think anything could happen.